Then, donning some thick white lead make-up and some pigs bladders doubling as fronty bumps, he proceeded to act in her place for the next 45 years...
Several times that flirty bastard, The Earl of Essex, nearly happened upon the imposter as he indulged in a furtive five-knuckle shuffle in the garderobe (latrine).
However, the sharp-witted Michael was always a step ahead of the game, and survived to die of natural causes in the ye olde yeare of 1603. Of course, following the Physician's examination of the body, the Privy councillors were informed of the shocking revelation that the Queen had died of a slightly engorged clitorus. We Shackers know this to be true as we were there as witnesses. It is amazing what a different light our Time Machine has cast upon historical 'fact'!
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