I yawned as I was cleaning the toilet bowl, and, as a result, I have added another entry to my lexicon of wisdom...
Sunday 28 February 2010
Tight-lipped wisdom
I yawned as I was cleaning the toilet bowl, and, as a result, I have added another entry to my lexicon of wisdom...
Friday 26 February 2010
Wrong Colin - The Umbrella Fella
Wednesday 24 February 2010
Ten Friend Rule!
Appraisal
... blah-di-blah-di-blah... and I have a shack surrounded by weeds; a place of mind where I am free to be ME in all my splendid silliness.
Alas, bullies and power-trippers; corporate constrictors; puffed-up nobodies full of grim reality. It's like a cancer, they're everywhere. I admit it - there was a time when I tried to play their game. I'd wear my pin-striped bikini for interviews and walk like I had a metronome up my arse, but it wasn't true me.
... now I have a shack surrounded by weeds; a place of mine where I am free to play and be ME in all my splendid absurdiness. I have that power!
Monday 22 February 2010
Elizabeth the First was a Bloke - SHOCKER!
A Blow for Humankind!
Pictured here is right wing British politician John Redwood getting a blow-job from one of his Martian friends (note the antennae). We Shack dwellers are shocked at this revelation! How could he have sex with a horrible, cold-blooded, gimlet-eyed freak from an entirely alien species. Don't them Martians have any fucking self-respect!?
The Man!
"... I don't believe that them leaders are giving us any good titty milk. No Dan, it's some bad shit they got us suckling on. Freakin' control is what it's all about, make no mistake about that. Say NO to the nipple of The Man, Dan!"
It did not matter to me that Dan was fast asleep with me, outside, pressed at the window of his bedroom at around two in the morning, because I know that he is with me in spirit. Over the years we grow tolerant of each other's foibles.
Mind Squatter
This is the explorer and noted antiquarian, Canon Frockhart Pewsley-Truggil. He is currently residing in the left lobe of my brain, for he is that most insidious of presences - a mind squatter. How he got in there, or why, we simply do not know. However, following a brief conversation between the Canon and Monty, we have gleaned a few details.
Firstly, we know he tends a formal garden in my head, and is particularly proud of his topiary chicken.
A topiary chicken like what Wrong Colin has in his bonce
Secondly, Monty reports that this cranial intruder is very fond of the music of Easy Listening legend, Barry Manilow. Apparently, he has an extensive album collection, which he often relaxes to (that'll explain the headaches!).
Sultry Uncle karaoke star, Barry Manilow
Finally, the Canon occasionally takes a peep out of my left eye; looking at the modern world as I wend my way through time-space. (This latter detail, I discovered myself whilst looking into the mirror of my boudoir - quite a shock it was too!)
<*((((><(
Dear Muma...
Dear Muma,
Thank you very much indeed for the lovely present. I am absolutely delighted with it, and can't wait to try it out properly. I note that it is very similar to dad's old one. I have stood in front of the mirror just now with it on, and I think it looks the part. It really is a lovely cock-ring - you are the best Muma a Wrong Colin could hope for!
Sunday 21 February 2010
The Politics of the Dog
I have been pondering the politics of dogs, and, to be honest, I am a bit confused. On the one hand they advocate a position of communal living and they are very liberal with regard to sexuality. On the other hand, however, they support hierarchy and are fiercely territorial. I have tried discussing this apparent left-right contradiction with my dog, Rags, but he just turns his head to one side, quizzically, and then licks his nuts. I remain deeply troubled by such philosophical inconsistancy (ie with regard to their politics, not Rags licking his nuts!) and will persist in questioning our canine friends about this matter whenever the opportunity presents itself...
'Inner Keithness', by Jurgen Gavin
The Lady Machine
Fat Northern Bastard
Fecundate Man Mounds
"First class nip-nips Aunty!" - praise which is greeted by a threatening sneer of pleasure from the dignified old gal.
Bap Talk
It was well out of order! We were having a perfectly acceptable conversation, within the conventions of our current time-frame and cultural context, when... when he goes and mentions that he ate something from a bap...
"Bap!" I exclaimed indignantly.
"How dare you hit me with that low-down 1970's culinary talk without any warning whatsovever."
The culprit knows who he is, and he should be ashamed of himself for this transgression. Next it will be fondue talk, and then where will we be!
Saturday 20 February 2010
Murder In The Church
Pinged to Death!
Guess what! At that very moment there was a plop and a blurr of fur came streaking out of the ashes reducing Dave and I to girly shrieks (a hilarious sound of screams and kerfuffle according to my giggling family). Dave was stamping his foot on the floor, convinced the creature had run up his trouser leg. I was frozen on the spot for... I don't know how long.
However, we soon regained our composure and proceeded to hunt the creature. It was already hampered by the smoke and a pellet which I had winged it with yesterday. Eventually, - after numerous pot shots with the pea-shooter - I dispatched it with a fatal shot.
The taking of a life - even that of a big brown rat - is taken very seriously by the Sylvannian Family Community, to which I act as Community Coordinator. And so Monty the wise weasel ("he's not an otter!"), and P.C. Badger came to inspect the body of the fallen rat who had dominated things round here over the last few days...
P. Niss Poetry
in my hand
Play it like a
one-man band
Catching cum in a
wankerchief
stealing pleasure
by hand relief