A Tribute to Betty Pretty

I was most distressed to read about the demise of Betty Pretty; cruelly decapitated by the Round-Saw of Obliteration (see here). She was such a jolly presence around the office - especially when there were any zany fundraising events going on. I will miss her insatiable zest for life; her whackiness (and her tits, which were delightful).

Yours,
Beige Keith

Tight-lipped wisdom

I yawned as I was cleaning the toilet bowl, and, as a result, I have added another entry to my lexicon of wisdom...

Always shut one's mouth when cleaning a toilet bowl...

Alternatively...

Never clean toilet bowls!

Wrong Colin - The Umbrella Fella

It was my birthday yesterday and my friend Perontonto Mike - realising that I, being a year older than him, now have more wisdom than him - contacted me and asked for some advice...

Dear Wrong Colin,

Now that you are temporarily more sage than me - please give me the wisdom. Question - I have a new umbrella. I likes it. It matches me eyes. I don't want to get it wet. Do I have to use another umbrella to put on top of my nice umbrella? Please help - it's raining. I don't want the true hairs to get wet.

Hi Perontonto Mike,

You are correct, I have learned a lot on my journey. Paulus the Smyth was wiser than I - for a day! During that time he taught me much and now I, in turn, will share my wisdom to you...

Keep your umbrella dry at all costs Mike - and don't ever put it up if there's even the slightest hint of wind. My advice is to keep the umbrella safe and dry inside on rainy days. Protect and nurture your umbrella Mike!

Bobby & Clarence - Talking Shit

... meanwhile, on the streets of shitty Britain, some serious doo-doo is going on...

Ten Friend Rule!

Ten friends is plenty enough for me, so imagine my anger when some new people recently attempted to befriend me!
"Look," I said, "I already have ten friends, and that's plenty enough so fuck off... go on, fuck off!"

Honestly, the presumption of some people!

Appraisal

A look can say so much. And there I sat, smiling knowingly as I stared into the eyes of my boss during my appraisal. Looking into those scared eyes, I got the message...

"Wrong Colin, to my mind you're a despicable little shit who insists on having his own ideas and challenging mine. What is more, I get the distinct impression that you have blown my cover. I might not be able to do my job, and I might, therefore, make it my business to crack the whip in diversionary displays of petty power-play, but just remember this, you despicable little shit; whatever the rights or wrongs - I HAVE THE POWER."

... blah-di-blah-di-blah... and I have a shack surrounded by weeds; a place of mind where I am free to be ME in all my splendid silliness.

Alas, bullies and power-trippers; corporate constrictors; puffed-up nobodies full of grim reality. It's like a cancer, they're everywhere. I admit it - there was a time when I tried to play their game. I'd wear my pin-striped bikini for interviews and walk like I had a metronome up my arse, but it wasn't true me.

... now I have a shack surrounded by weeds; a place of mine where I am free to play and be ME in all my splendid absurdiness. I have that power!

Wrong Colin Esq.

Aunty Gary and Dan Disco Divas

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